Why did you begin work with Vance? Were you struggling with issues?
Honestly speaking, no! I’m a happy person, healthy, successful in my personal life and at work (Vance often refers to me as “the happy guy”).
What attracted me to this work is that I still have a bunch of dreams that I would like to realize. I thought that working with Vance I could move steadily and consistently toward my dreams.
(He speaks Spanish and German fluently. English is his third language)
Note from Vance: I always chuckle because I think of this person as someone who came to me and said, “I’m happy, can you help me?” I have no doubt that this man will one day, in the not too distant future be doing the very work I’m now doing.
Where are you now?
I’m now fully aware of how to live my dreams, and exactly what I need to do. And doors have opened for me that are truly exciting!
Working with Vance is really all about learning about yourself. They say that you have all you will ever need inside of you. Vance shows you where to look.
I have many experiences that I’ll share in time, but I thought I’d start with this one.
Right from the beginning, was my relationship with my daughter: my desire to be a “good” father. I realized that, if there are things in life that could drain all the energy out of you, spending a full day with a 5 year old kid (and being fully present), must be one…
Let me share my experience: everything started as usual, my wife had a business trip, and my daughter was staying with me for few days. Saturday was the day I had decided to do the “experiment”. We did, more or less, the following: wake up, breakfast, games, small shopping trips (that we did together), more games, painting, short lunch, more games, short movie, more painting and drawing and finally, dinner. There was no mobile phone, internet, TV… nothing else than just being present for my daughter.
It was a very interesting experience!
My daughter told me at the end of the day: “you are the best dad”.
It was a magical moment… Yes, I was exhausted! I spent Sunday and part of the Monday feeling like I was hung over. I needed about two days to recover from that Saturday! But I was happy!!!
Since that day, I know exactly what I want to experience, and I look for ways to manage the presence level with my energies.
Also, I’m more aware about what is distracting me from being a “good” father, where I make the most of the mistakes and to learn from it. From that day on, I have a more intense relationship with my daughter, and our relationship continues to grow. But most importantly, now I truly “feel” I am a good father.
How did it happen?
I started to be more “present”. To remove distractions from the moment. To be able to recognize my “feelings” and how those feelings influence my behavior. “Why” I was doing what I was doing. Understanding that my reactions are highly influenced by what I sense from the others: if the person I’m interacting feels insecure, I’ll feel that insecurity and the relationship (business or personal) will, therefore, be influenced, if not shaped, by that feeling. Understanding this allow me to jump out of the cycle and to “respond” instead of “react”.
Vance also asked me to write three pages. For me that writing is about:
– my checklist clean-up.
– my dream life description.
– the purge of my “mind/ego”.
Regarding the last point, I just write all what my mind/ego wants to tell me. Usually “warns me” about how illogical it is to do something, or how old I am, or what the others will think… so I let it talk, and I write all what he wants to say… up to the point that there is silence, just silence. And is so calm, so quiet, so peaceful.
Note from Vance: Everyone is different. For example, when I write three pages, I’m just finding action tasks, watching what is on my mind, and seeing what emotions I’m experiencing.
As part of the work, Vance encouraged me to practice The Four Agreements.
Since I began listening to the book on audio, I decided to give a personal touch. When a sentence was negated (I have started to remove negated sentences from my vocabulary little by little), here is what I got from it:
– Be impeccable with your words and your thoughts.
– Others opinion about myself is their own perception about the reality, I respect it.
– I always base my opinion on facts (lately, understanding my feelings).
– I do (with emphasis on really doing it) everything the best I can.
There is a lot more, of course, but that’s a place to start.
Note from Vance: in this work, we go much deeper. For example, being impeccable with your word is really about learning to align your real experience with your words. For example, someone might be telling their friend how angry they are about their boss. But that’s just a reaction to what is really happening, and a “story” about what is happening. What is really happened is that you got sad about how your boss treated you.
Also, when you do this work, you are ALWAYS doing your best. You don’t have to figure out what that is. What you need to do is ignore the judge in your head. But there is something else going on. We all feel shame to one extent or another. There is a simple way to eliminate that shame, take back your power, trust yourself, and then you will shine with magnetic confidence. Then that voice of judgment in your head will go away.