I chose that title because I wanted to give this post something big to live up to. This site is new, but the techniques have been developed over 30 years. Some by myself, but most by my mentor, John Mace. John has a double masters, and a PHD in the field of psychology.
My name is Vance Williams. I have been involved in the field of human potential going back to the mid 90’s. I have been fortunate enough to be able to have lived the life of my dreams, not once, but twice. The first time, when I was 28, I exceeded my own expectations in life. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that most of what I had financially did little for me. I didn’t have what I really wanted. What I really wanted was the girl of my dreams, and I wanted to be a father. I wanted a nice home for my family. I met the girl in 2004, and by 2008, I had it all.
Then in 2010, just before my second son was born, a series of events began to unfold over 3 1/2 years that would devastate me. In early 2010, I was arrested for being impaired while driving. The shame and humiliation were where overwhelming. Six months later, as I was about to step onto my roof, the ladder slipped out from under me sending me straight down 9 feet with my left leg hitting like a 2 x 4. In March of 2012, I suddenly lost 60 pounds in 30 days, and was diagnosed with a catastrophic auto-immune condition. They said they didn’t know what caused it, and there was no cure. Then, the final blow: In April of 2013, the girl of my dreams said she wanted a divorce, that she didn’t love me anymore. There was a moment when I was literally paralyzed in grief on my bedroom floor, unable to stand.
After a few days, the gratitude for me children enabled me to barely stand. Then I battle off and on for three months to change my wife’s mind. But in August of 2013, I knew it was over. That news caused an emotional meltdown. A period of two hours of the greatest frustration I have known. And then I was confronted with the reality that all of my knowledge, all of my skills, and any wisdom I had acquired in my life were just not enough to fix this mess.
That’s when I remembered something. I had met a man named John. But more importantly, I had been able to observe two people that I thought had worked with him. I had seen them go from very difficult situation to living extraordinary lives. I thought that John might be able to help me. I thought that if I was ever going to ask for help in my life, now was the time to do it.
I left a message for John, and a few days later, he called me back to schedule a time to meet. We met on Skype video. In our first meeting, he told me at least four things that I did not agree with, but I continued forward because I thought I might still be able to learn something.
John told me not to worry, that what he does works 100% of the time. I remember thinking that “not much in life works 100% of the time.” But like the other red flags, I just ignored them.
He told me not to believe anything he said. That he would show me where to put my feet, and when I did the work, I would see the results. I found this comforting. I had no interest in being schooled, following someone, or being asked to believe anything.
I confess that I had a lot of doubts, but I went on.
Initially he had me order a couple of books and read them. He also gave me two other tasks to do daily. We met once a week on Skype video for an hour, and he encouraged me to write him an email anytime I wanted throughout the week. I probably wrote a lot, and he replied almost every time early one.
As I write this, it is now almost 2 1/2 years later. For the past six months, I have been guiding others in this work. Many of them more financially successful than I ever was. So far, no one has taken even six months to accomplish what took me a year and a half. All I can say is that I was a mess, and a very slow learned when it came to this work with John.
When I began with John, I had already accepted the reality of the situation with my wife. But I still had grief. I had a lot of anxiety. I was prone to anger. I was very fearful of what this would all mean for my children.
From the first week I met with John, I can tell you that I never experienced grief again. It was slow going, but gradually John taught me to eliminate ideas that either didn’t work, or that weren’t true. He gave me techniques to be more conscious of what I was experiencing emotionally. He helped me to see what it was that I really wanted (for the first time in my life), and then he showed me how to create it simply and easily.
Everything he ever showed me turned out to work. Everything he told me turned out to be true – even the four things I had disagreed with him originally about. I am no longer living the life of my dreams. I am instead living a life I never dreamed existed. A life where each day I live my passion. A life where I see growth in all areas of life. A life where I have the tools to respond to just about any situation that arises. A life where I have what I wanted the most: to be a great father. Everyone who knows me would say, “Vance, you are one of the best dads I have ever see.” As you might know, it doesn’t matter how much “proof” or external validation you have. You can still not actually feel like you are a good father. Well, I have that now. I have no doubt. I am fully confident that I am a good father, and I got that from this journey, too.
Now to make things even more interesting, there are no longer any consequences associated with my arrest. There is no indication whatsoever that I ever fell so badly on my leg. The incurable disease is gone. I’m in a relationship now where there are no expectations. We just share our experience of life together. Will it last is not a question that ever enters my mind. Vulnerability is just a fact of life. Those who accept it are happy and authentic.
I’ll tell you about the journey itself beginning in a multi-part post. In the meantime, consider some of the following questions. Do you feel like if you could just get out of your own way, you could make things work? Do you ever wonder why so many other people seem happy and have their life together – wonder how come you don’t know what you want? Do you every have the thought: if people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me? Or does it seem more like “I feel like I need to be someone I’m not in order to be loved.”
Do you have much, but don’t feel successful? Do think of yourself as a product of your past experience? Or perhaps who you could in the future if X happens? Or do you just feel like something is missing, and cannot figure out what it is.
These are some of the experiences which are common among achievers. You may not know it yet, but the more successful you become, the more you are likely to run into these experiences. Why? Because you hit a ceiling. Your “mind” took you as far as you can go. You need some new tools, and new ideas. Then you’ll jump to the next level and life will be truly great again. So let me know if you want to talk and I’ll explain how it works. ~Vance