What issues were you struggling with that led you to the program?
For about nine months I worked in a job that from the outside seemed easy, but from the inside I was experiencing more anxiety than I ever have. I felt micromanaged and had daily self-doubt and legitimate worry that I could be jeopardizing my future somehow. After losing the job I was intimidated out of seeking any financial assistance, and was relying on my loved ones to pay rent and buy food. Although I felt very fortunate to have help, because lord knows not everyone has this luxury; my dignity was taking quite the hit. It wasn’t the first time I’ve eaten top ramen twice in one day because I felt too proud to ask for help to buy some bread and eggs. I called Vance, a trusted friend, to seek any advice that could be offered. I was applying for every job I could find, regardless of wage or travel distance, with no luck. It seemed like struggling through college and all the help my family and friends had given me was for nothing; I couldn’t even get a minimum wage job because I had no experience, let alone something decent that was once the likely product of a Bachelor’s degree. The one area I had experience in was the one I was desperate to get away from; I felt that settling for the another job that had given me so much anxiety would be selling out and admitting I wasn’t worth more.
from Vance: I have been working with others about 12 weeks, but only began the website this past week. So I have asked some of my clients to catch readers up on what has happened so far in the time I have spent with them. What you see here is not the complete story from this awesome young lady, but it gives you some insight into her struggle with anxiety, depression, relationships, and an uncertain future. Please note that I am keeping writers anonymous because part of our lives involve others, not all of which can give us permission to speak openly. Written 10/25-15
This is when Vance suggested a program he had incredible success with. I was so ready for a change I did not hesitate to accept, and the next day we had our first meeting. I still have much to learn and have exercises that I have either just begun or haven’t touched yet, but from my short experience so far, I’d like to share my results.
Where are you now?
Now I am working at a job I never even imagined I could do and excelling in it. My wage is higher than it has ever been. I have an incredible supervisor who encourages me to think creatively and praises me for the hard work that I do. I feel nervous and challenged every day beforehand, and rewarded, energized, and excited every day when I leave. I feel that I am truly making a difference. My relationships with my boyfriend, friends, and family are thriving. I have a long way to go, but every day I am motivated and optimistic about my future. I am beginning to truly trust myself, which is one of the most empowering things I have every experienced.
How did I get here?
Of course there is no way to scientifically measure how all of this came together. How much of it was effort? Luck? Good timing? There are a few things that I work on in the program that I see making incredible differences in my daily life. The little things we do are the building blocks for growth, and here are some things I have noticed.
Three pages
In the morning I write three pages. (I found this was MUCH more effective than doing them in the evening). My first page is simply a to-do list, and I write at the top of the page “What is pulling at your mind?” It can be immediate tasks or it can be something that needs to be done within the next week.
The three pages are very important to me for multiple reasons, but the most important is that I often wake up with a sense of anxiety. We all know how incredibly debilitating these things can be. Sometimes it would go away at some point during the day, and sometimes it wouldn’t. But what the voice in my head would say when I woke up and felt it was “well you are just an anxious type of person”. (In a very judgmental tone). When I wake up like this and I sit to write my three pages, I draw a blank because I feel frustrated. But then I think of one thing I feel that I need to do. Then another, then another. After a few minutes I have a giant list of everything I want to get done, and I think “it’s no wonder I feel anxious, look at all the things weighing in the back of my mind!!” I experience a little relief getting them out and down. I know the chances of doing them are far greater when I see them there, can prioritize them based off of necessity or even how enjoyable they are, and will have the satisfaction of crossing them off. Then I move on to page number 2, which is where I write about my values. I have five values that I focus on every day; Work, Family, Health, Mentality, and Home. I rate them each on a scale of 1/10, not thinking too much about it, but writing down the first number that pops into my head. Maybe family is 5/10. Well, that would certainly be a source of anxiety. And what do you know, there are 5 things on my “what’s pulling at my mind” list that will contribute to me feeling better about family. Sometimes I will write a few notes about one value or another, but everything begins to tie together. Under my list of values I list as many feelings as I can identify in that moment. A lot of them are opposite and conflicting, but all of them have a meaning and a purpose. Sometimes there is nothing I can do about the negative ones in that moment, but I begin to get a clearer picture of what is causing me to be a giant ball of stress. Sometimes I can identify a destructive emotion and stop it in its tracks where it would have likely resulted in trouble. The third page is my favorite; I can write anything I want to, and this is where I get to have fun and be creative. Lately I incorporate an app called “Super better” that encourages well-being and treats life like a video game.
Besides leading to insights, writing my three pages causes a significant difference in how productive I am during the day. It leads to feeling like I have much more time.
One of the most exciting things that has happened in this process, was waking up feeling extremely depressed, which I have never been able to do anything about; it must be ridden out, to feeling completely normal again an hour later. This is something that I never thought was possible. All it took was sitting with the feeling and being patient enough to find the source. Once I acknowledged what my body was trying to tell me and decided to follow through with what it needed, the feeling lifted.
The Four Agreements
- be impeccable with my word
- do not have expectations
- ignore the judge in my head
- Do not take things personally
Keeping awareness in my mind of the four agreements has completely changed how I interact with the world. Of course I struggle with some of these more than others, but simply thinking about them and planting the seed in your mind will give positive results. Think about what they mean, and what they lead to when they are absent.
from Vance: Everyone is different. Part of what I do is focus on where individuals are in need of growth. Usually the problems we face, especially the big ones (like depression), are areas of life where we are not sure what to do, and where growth has stopped. Or maybe the central nervous system is simply overwhelmed. It is truly an honor that people are placing this trust in me. As in this story, new growth can be rapid. In other cases, sometimes we find ourselves exercising so much control that we are almost completely cut off from our emotions. Why is this important? Because the only real experience in life is what we are feeling or sensing. Everything else is imagination.